What fault in our stars?
The divine world of astrological coupling with Amber Walker
The world can be a wild and wonderful place. The world of dating, however, can resemble your worst day of high school combined with a particularly nightmare-inducing episode of Dateline NBC. In the words of Aziz Ansari, “There’s a lot of riff-raff out there.” If you think the bar scene is a little too “Cheers” these days and the accuracy of online algorithms fails to always point due north, Amber Walker may have a solution. The astrologer, UCSB graduate and Ojai native occupies an office on Poli Street near City Hall. Inside, she charts the relationships of the future while cosmically rendering “riff-raff” a thing of the past.
Astrology, though? For the skeptical, it is easy to dismiss the zodiac as an archaic and fanciful way to deal with life’s disappointments, but is meeting someone based on astrology any worse than meeting over five margaritas and a Huey Lewis cover band? And how does one become an astrologer? It’s not a profession that occupies a booth at career day. Walker explains: “I had my 28th birthday and didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I was an astrologer, but didn’t want to just do charts. I had often fantasized about doing an astrological dating service, but didn’t have a clue how to do it. Then one day in church, I wasn’t really listening to the minister, I was just sort of in the ‘zone’ and all of a sudden I was practically knocked off the pew. I thought: ‘Now is the time!’ I had one thousand dollars to my name.”
To clarify, this was the ’80s. The’80s of beach bars, video dating, bad haircuts and sax solos. Walker did not have her business model down pat but she knew how to hustle. “I went for it,” she said. “I got a lovely office in Santa Barbara and started roller-skating behind all the bars, putting flyers on cars. I made it grow into a lucrative business. I had parties, picnics, boat cruises, and even counseled the men and women about their dating experiences. I loved it! I can honestly say I was way before my time. I’ve always called it The Divine Art of Astrological Coupling. It has been proven to me over and over that it works.”
Walker takes all the relevant personal information of each client: Date and time of birth, place of birth, etc. to compose an individual birth chart. The charts alone are a lengthy and inspired read. Then, like other dating services, the client completes a questionnaire in order to assess his or her needs. Of course Walker takes current photographs of the prospects because the element of surprise is not always an asset when looking for love.
One of the major services she provides is dating advice, literally about how to behave during a date. “I provide dating advice for everyone. Sometimes people are clueless on how to act. Whether it’s a man or woman. I want them to have a special experience. I want the meeting to be authentic. They need to consider the match an opportunity to be themselves. I provide real relationship opportunities to real people,” she explains.
“I want magic to happen. I think that the more time and effort a person puts into this experience, the experience becomes extraordinary.” She feels that the “coffee and a handshake” corporate date of the 21st century is useless and almost tacky.
The question remains, does this approach work? People can meet and connect anywhere for a number of reasons.
Drummer Burton Lang, however, found success and the love of his life along the way. “I am a happily-in-love client of Amber Walker,” he says. “She helped me find the best love of my life. I’d tried the Internet, blind dates, and came up wanting. The thoughtful, personal analysis with astrological perspective really helped to clarify for me what I needed with a partner. Soon thereafter I was introduced to one of the most dynamic women, a leader of women, a drummer and a dancer. We connected, and have grown closer ever since.”
Stacey Greene sees Stars in Your Eyes dating as an exciting opportunity. “For the first time in a while, I see the possibility of finding true love and romance. Amber has a way of figuring out who would go well with whom, and she makes you so comfortable and makes it fun and she is so caring you can’t go wrong.” In fact, when speaking with all of Amber Walker’s clients, one theme remains constant: Her personality is a major aspect of Stars in Your Eyes, and everyone is receptive to her input.
Walker believes that her astrological foundation is what makes the service, specifically her judgment, unique in the world of Ventura dating. “I’m a Cancer woman with a passion to nurture the world. I’m a natural matchmaker and I’m often called a cockeyed optimist. I want people to be happy. I want them to find their soul mate. But it takes time. We all need people we can talk to, and have fun with. We need each other; that’s a given.”
Finally, how does she weed out those with ill intentions? “I do the work for you. Not some program that is just putting up thousands of pictures and never really matchmaking anyone. I do background checks on everyone. I want to know each member intimately. I want to know where they live, and if they are married they are out. If they have a criminal record, they are out, and if they just came to town, looking for an escort service, they are out. Again, real relationships for real people.”
Thirty years after the inception of Stars in Your Eyes, Amber Walker has seen it all, and she remains truly optimistic. Her clients love her and, ultimately, they love one another. And if you’re wondering if she has a crystal ball, yeah, she does.